September 15, 2022

1. We leave home with a full crew complement. Exploration. We travel to the ♥️7 Shattered World. Surely successfully gets us through.

2. We travel into the dark, we find a ♣️8 Black Hole. Unfortunately, we are unable to escape gravity this day.

3. Unable to escape gravity.

4. Unable to escape gravity.

5. Unable to escape gravity.

6. Unable to escape gravity well.

7. We are finally able to escape the gravity well, we will move on next turn.

8. We travel into the darkness and find a ♥️4 Peer World. These people have teeth on the outside of their body, all over. Their main predator, a non-sentient bird creature, predigests them with a sugar spray. The non-sentient bird creature wears a tuxedo. Despite being non-sentient, it is still fashionable. The murder penguins hold their victims down and pull their teeth out one at time. They are delicious little rock candy teeth. Spaceman Spiff has named them the Dentist’s Malice.

   • They’ve asked us to help them rid the planet of murder penguins. The beasts are cagey, and have allies among the traitors of the sentient people. To complicate matters further, a large part of their economy revolves around making tuxedos for these penguins. After some investigation, it turns out the murder penguin were here first, the Dentist’s Malice is the invasive species, raising ethical questions.

   • The first thing Billy Zane does is attempt to fashion a personal shield system that will prevent the murder penguins from eating the delicious teeth off of their bodies. This attempt fails. The prototype badly damages the teeth on the outside of one of the test subjects.

   • Spaceman Spiff attempts a chemical approach, adding fluoride to bathwater and public pools, hoping this will make them indigestible to the birds. It’s a success! Spaceman Spiff ranks up!

   • Billy Zane pours their efforts into invent hardening on the inside of tuxedos, to prevent the murder penguins from holding people down. It’s a massive success. Billy Zane also increases in Rank.

   • We’ve successfully saved the Dentist’s Malice! They are our friends now! 🙂

9. We sail into the darkness and find ♦️7 a Shattered World. Surely is able to navigate us safely through. This is what remains of the Dentists Malice homeworld. Lots of debris that looks like giant loaves of bread. Interstellar yeast infected the star’s core, the resultant rising caused the sun to bubble apart. The planet below was abandoned in this bread debris field but cannot be accessed because it is covered in bread flakes and crumbs and fried by the heat of the sun.

10. We’ve sailed further into the darkness and found ♦️2 a lifeless world. Everyone was getting lots of ore when Billy Zane accidentally depressurized an unsecured cart and caused some damage to the ships loading bays.

11. We sail into the darkness and find ♣️5 an Advanced World. These people are made of multicolored vapour. They’re obsessed with collecting t=shirts, even though (perhaps because) they can’t wear them. They’re total arm fetishists, but do they want to float around them or cut them off for study? They like raspberry flavouring. Helen names them ‘Faaart’.

    • They’ve become enamored with all our arms and they do not want to let us leave with them attached. They’re like “these are our arms now, succckkkaaaassss”. They’re forcing us to model their t-shirts, treating us like mannequins. We discover an entire penal colony of captured armed (but also unarmed) aliens. They’re all wearing the lamest shirts.

    • Billy Zane engineers a scrambler for the penal colony’s surveillance systems. It is done off camera and is mostly just typing into a computer console and occasionally checking the status of a light.

    • Spaceman Spiff attempts a rousing speech, trying to spark a prison break! Spiff mostly ends up describing the pros and cons in a mundane way, not realizing he’s standing next to an alien with an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt. People giggle and shrug, halfheartedly agreeing to rebel.

    • Mallory decides that the best way forward is to neutralize the Ethyl Formate that makes up these beings by increasing the heat of the atmosphere. This is a great success. We deconstitute them into ore.

    • We establish a Republic of Arms. An armed society is a polite society! You have the right to have arms! We’re friends!

12. We sail into the darkness and find ♥️10 Crisis Alert. An alien virus. Between Surely’s immune system and Doctor What’s ‘genius’, this virus quickly goes the way of polio, the dodo, and the common cold.

13. We return to the ♣️5 Advanced World (Faaart home world). We successfully get them into the holosuite for a good time, and things go pretty well. We can treat this place as a home world for now.

14. We return to the ♥️10 Random Encounter. An adventure away mission.

    • We have run out of synthetic alcohol and we won’t be restocking for days. Chef has gone feral and fortified himself in the canteen. Now not only do we not have alcohol, but we can’t get any decent food either. MREs are gross. The crew has begun to suffer mental and physical ailments especially Surely IV, who relies on synthahol for energy.

    • Spiff tries to muster the will to share his secret stash of real earth liquor with the crew. He manages to not be a selfish dick and share. the Chef trades some ore he’s been hiding.

    • Spiff tries a heart-to-heart with the chef once they are drunk. The chef, who’s apparently quite the thief turns over some scanners that he’s also been hoping to sell on the black market.

    • Surely has to modify its internal filtration systems to convert earth alcohol into energy. They are able to fly us onward with their new energy source.